Necessity is the Mother of Invention

Previously in this blog I have raged against those English speakers who live here and don't speak the language. After a good few years here, I realize this was grossly unfair. 

Sweden does not provide an ideal language learning environment for English speakers. Necessity is the mother of invention, and in many situations it is simply not necessary for English speakers to learn Swedish.  

If English speaking immigrants have some kind of technical, IT or 'international' job where the product or line of work is basically 'in English', then English becomes the go-to language. Employers might recruit heavily from non-Swedish residents to fill these positions, in which case English naturally tends to become the lingua franca.

For bar jobs you would have thought interaction in Swedish would be essential, right? Nope. Swedish is often not a requirement. Wander into any Irish or English theme-bar (especially in Stockholm) and you'll often find an English speaker behind the bar who can't manage anything but the simplest Swedish. I remember the time I started speaking Swedish in a pub and was told "we don't really speak Swedish here". 

My first reaction  — which was judgemental and unfair — was to condemn these immigrants as arrogant, lazy and engaging in some kind of cultural colonialism. Whilst that might possibly be the case for a rare few, I don't believe this applies to the vast majority. 

The truth is that Sweden itself is to blame for this state of affairs. Sweden sets the requirements that immigrants fulfill. 

In France you need French, so you learn French. It's a requirement. End of story. In Sweden, this is simply not the case. In fact, you can even become Swedish without speaking a word of the language (although the government finally agreed that there would be a language test for citizenship in 2019 and aimed to put forward a proposal in October 2020, but I imagine the pandemic pushed it down their To Do list!)

I personally feel that if you work in a bar in Sweden, you should be able to converse in Swedish. But who cares what I think? I'm not the one doing the hiring! If the employers really cared, then it'd be a necessity. It ain't. So why blame the employees?

I am thankful I had a reason to learn Swedish — my father-in-law didn't speak English, so I had to learn to be able to speak to him. Without that, I'm not sure if I would have learned. 

Dirty and Dirty!

I got a funny look the other day when I said (in Swedish) "they were a bunch of dirty old bastards". 

My friend said "uh...do you mean they were covered in dirt? I think you mean something else". 

I then asked her for the correct word, which rhymes with the word I mistakenly used!

Smutsig means dirty as in "They were covered in dirt". 

Snuskig means dirty as in "He was a dirty old git!".

Swedish, that ain't fair! It's like you're trying to confuse me! ;-)

English Killing Swedish?

English appears to be killing Swedish.

Alright, maybe not 'killing', but English has at least given poor Swedish a mild concussion.

Because Swedes seem to be ‘losing words’. Literally.

Younger Swedes tend to use a lot of English in everyday speech. The more they use an English word the less they use the Swedish one, thus weakening their 'Swedish' memory. It's a vicious circle!

Aside from taking English words wholesale, there's also a huge amount of anglicising​​ going on in the Swedish language itself. 'Swenglish' seems to involve 'Swedifying' an English verb (eg. to hint = att hinta) or adding an extra letter to English adjectives so they fit within the Swedish grammatical system (eg. cool = coolt). This kind of 'Swenglish' changes the very fabric of Swedish.  

I’m not a fan of this. But if Swedes themselves don't seem care about English taking over, then so what?

Well, in fact it turns out some Swedes do care.

According to this article written by Swedish and Dutch professors "English has caused worry amongst preservers of the Swedish language. One of the biggest worries is that English is taking over in certain areas, particularly research and higher education in biology, medicine and science..."

The article then goes on to mention Språkförsvaret” (‘Language Defence) who basically say that in Sweden many core areas — such as business, university, the media and adverts — it is English and not Swedish that is strongly represented and that this is seriously damaging Swedish: “Why is it that English spreads at the cost of Swedish?...We contend that the many different languages in the world have an intrinsic richness...it needs a grassroots movement to defend the Swedish language”.

By contrast there are those who believe that if languages die off it was ‘meant to be’. This is the view of British comedian David Mitchell, who in this video claims languages simply die out ‘naturally’ due to “natural selection”  and not due to the “actions of Man”.

This is total rubbish. Rachel Nuwer points out in her BBC Future article that "Languages usually reach the point of crisis after being displaced by a socially, politically and economically dominant one...". How are these political, social and economic conditions brought about, if not by the actions of Man?

I also disagree with Mitchell's rather ill-thought out 'it's-OK-because-languages-die-off naturally' sentiment. Anthropologist and linguist Mark Turin explains how this popular "Social Darwinism" argument is rationally unsound: we invest money in bio-diversity and protecting animals, so why not invest in human diversity by protecting languages? In his words "why should it be that the one thing that makes us singularly human shouldn’t be similarly nourished and protected?”

In the aforementioned video, Mitchell claims it is “not the end of the world” when a language dies out. He’s wrong. It is the end of the world — or at least a world — because that particular way of seeing the world is lost. Each language reflects what that culture holds dear. Its hopes and its fears. We are not USBs, we do not simply dock and transfer data. Language is so much more than that. It is not merely the communicative tool of a people. In a way, it is a people. It is an integral marker that distinguishes a people and expresses their identity.

So I hope Swedish policy makers and broadcasters listen to the general message of ‘Language Defence’ and make Swedish more visible. At the moment it feels as if some authorities and companies are treating Swedish as a second class language. And having listened to beautiful songs and read wonderful books in Swedish this particular Englishman wholeheartedly and fiercely contends that it most certainly is not.

The Redneck/Shakepeare Spectrum

One mental mindset I have developed to help me understand Swedish grammar is what I call "The Redneck/Shakespeare Spectrum".

When you say "those __" it sounds redneck. If you want to say "those beer bottles" it's "de där öl-flaskorna!" which literally means "them there beer bottles!". Yah Boigh! 

But the word order used when asking questions and fronting adverbials somehow smacks of the Bard. For instance, "Vad har ni för bilar?" literally means "What have you for cars?" (ie. "What cars do you have?").

Hell yeah boigh, them there bars look gooood! Go we now, my good fellows?     

Vestiges of Colonialism: English Speakers in Sweden

Swedish is not a hard language for English people to learn. Despite this, many long-term English ex-pats continue to claim cultural dominance over Swedes by forcing them to speak English.

Swedes are often eager to demonstrate that they are part of the wider global community by speaking English. When they meet an English person they switch to English to show their politeness and proficiency. The English person blithely accepts this gift of humility as their due, content that another Swede has made things easier for them - 'They all speak English don't they, it's easy for them' - thinks the English person. What they don't realise is that by doing this they are actually being incredibly rude. They are not reciprocating the consideration the Swede is giving them. They are indicating that that they have chosen to live in Sweden but can't be bothered with the language. To me, they are basically saying 'My language is bigger and better than your little language. You can struggle along and talk to me, I'm the important one'. It's a form of cultural domination.

And what many English people here don't realise is that sometimes the Swede is actually struggling to speak English. It is still their second language, after all. Learning a language is not simply a case of 'downloading' information into your brain - it takes time, effort and creativity. Yes they may seem confident, but you might notice that sometimes they say "I'm not sure what the English is, but..." This is your cue to show willing and speak Swedish, you thoughtless English twits! 

So if you've been here ages and have some Swedish in your head, please don't force English upon the Swedes all the time (especially when they're tired!). Open your mouth and try. It will be appreciated, and you won't be doing the cultural equivalent of this:

==========

NOTE: I have used the example of the English in this blog, but it could just as easily be applied to other English-speaking people. I've heard of an Australian who worked here for years who could hardly speak a word of Swedish....

Job Applications: from Rock to Venus de Milo

Applying to jobs in Swedish is HARD (readers, please prepare for another onslaught of ridiculous hyperbole!)

It's like trying to carve a statue with a fork. You hack and scrape and maul the language to carve out some living shape, but it will often remain an inert lump! 

Obviously it's not my first language. 

Equally as obvious is the fact that it never will be...  :-(

However, I have a cunning plan! 

This plan shall send Lady Fluency hitching her skirts and running to my door! This plan shall expunge my meaning-mangling nordic language: my silly-språk!! Like a good monk who wears hair shirts, I've imposed certain restrictions upon myself for my betterment: 

1. ONLY READ  SWEDISH FICTION

The intention was to make Swedish my 'read-a-good-yarn' language. I have to say this is working: I read for fun in Swedish, and because it's fun I keep going! Plus you end up learning vocabulary through context (soooo much better than repeating words!). However,  I notice that I get bloody tired... 

2.  WRITE SWEDISH ONLY TO SWEDES ON FACEBOOK

(simple but effective). 

3.  REFUSE TO SPEAK ENGLISH

The Swedes are damn good at speaking English. They try to lead me astray, but they can stuff it. I'M SPEAKING YOUR LANGUAGE YOU BUGGERS, AND NONE OF YOU ARE GOING TO STOP ME...... MOOOOHAHAHAHAH!

Language Confusion!!! Bloody Nouns!!!!!

Hello there campers! I'm back! 

Look at you all, my adoring public! I stand on the podium and raise my fist in the air as an enormous Mexican wave reverberates through a gigantic ocean of people across mountains and nations and continents and colours and creeds to ripple back across the internet and return to the colossus of cultural coordination that is my blog. I take a bow. It's the very least I could do...I'm honored that all 10 of you are so glad to see me! :-)

Since my last post my wife and I have been living in the UK. We then decided it was a bit shit. And moved back. 

I now need to get a job! However, my Swedish has reached an extremely annoying stage of development. I can read novels and history magazines and newspapers. I can even burble about politics and religion. But if I worked in a shop and a stressed customer barked a question at me, I probably wouldn't understand them!

Why? I just don't know all the nouns! 

In a shop it's always:

 "do you have blah?" 

or

"it seems you've run out of blah-broo, but can you fetch some "blagga-boing?". 

In a normal conversation with a friend, I can say "AHA! Is blah the same as blunga-bobbit?" and the meaning is eventually conveyed with much gesturing and description of contexts. 

Needless to say, stressed customers just won't have the patience!

But I think I have a solution: work for a shop that deals in a specific product. So instead of having to learn bloo and bang-bopp and (heaven forbid) Beeboppdaloola, I simply learn different kinds of one product:

blippy.1
blippy.2
blippy.3
and so on......

Well, that's my reckoning anyway...  :-/