Hello How are You?...WAIT, WHAT, HUH?!

Some things are so deeply ingrained in English culture that it can take years to realise they clash with Swedish culture.

For instance: saying 'Hello, how are you?'. This is something that as an English person I don't even give a second thought to. It's as natural as breathing.

Not so here in Sweden.

The 'hello' bit is no problem. It's the 'how are you?' bit. In the U.K you aren't expected answer this question with the truth. Nobody wants to here how you're actually feeling, they're just saying hello! All that is required are three words: 'fine thanks, you?'

But in Sweden they really think you want to know how they're feeling!

So for years I've mistakenly been making my colleagues feel harassed by asking them how they are straight away the moment I see them. No sitting down first. No preliminary chit chat over coffee or the weather. Just TELL-ME-HOW-YOU'RE-FEELING-THIS-VERY- SECOND!!!

Understandably they always look a bit flabbergasted, as if I've walked in with a rubber chicken tied to my forehead. Multiple questions race through their mind: How do I feel right now? Do they really want to know how I am? Am I supposed to ask them how they are? AGGGGHHH!  

Because in Sweden they just say 'Hello'. That's it. Nothing more. And if they actually want to know how you are, then they ask you.

I've learnt lots of Swedish, but despite that knowledge I've been inappropriately greeting everybody for ages!

Ah well, you live and learn!

Cash in Sweden

There's no cash in Sweden. Hardly anywhere takes it. It's like there's some anti-cash taskforce hellbent on eradicating it. There's so little cash that even beggars take "Swish" — direct mobile-to-mobile transfers. 

I paid in cash recently and got a coin in my change. Wow, a coin! It's a 5 kronor, shiny and new and minted in 2016. I would have preferred it scuffed and scarred, but beggars can't be choosers (actually, they chose "Swish"). I hold it up to the light, flip it, eyeball the markings.  My coin isn't even nice — all it's got on it are three splodgy crowns. The metal is thin and light, like toy money. I suppose Sweden makes their money so boring that everyone just sticks with card....nice, observable, traceable card. So safe. So clean. So...easily monitored. "Good show" say the kill-the-cash bureaucrats "Break out the light beer Lasse, cash is down by five fucking percent! HURRA!"     

But a coin is something hard and real. It's not just 'blip-blip-gone'. You can flip it, slap it into your palm. Just for fun. 

I'm keeping it. Those fuckers aren't taking it away from me!