What IS and What SHOULD BE

Alla har lika värde. Everyone has equal worth. 

In Sweden most people take this as a universal truth. Everyone has equal worth. We should all be treated with respect as human beings. 

As a Britisher I sometimes feel a knee-jerk reaction against this. Nice sentiment, but what does that have to do with the harsh reality? 

The Swedish, on the other hand, reel off their values about human rights and equal worth as if they are physically existent. As if they were as real and solid as their own bodies. 

And what does it matter if the reality doesn't match the ideal, they claim. It SHOULD, that's the main thing. It SHOULD.

As I've already mentioned, to my British heart this attitude can sometimes seem obtuse and childish. The British are far too realistic (cynical, some might say) to listen to such idealism without referring to the ever-present cold, cruel reality: the ultimate arbiter. In fact, gleefully crushing what is seen as misguided optimism has become a sort of national sport. It allows you to elevate yourself by asserting your own wisdom and seniority. Grow up kid, the world is hard. Deal with it. Game, set, match.     

Yet the Swedes stubbornly maintain their idealism. Things SHOULD be better. They SHOULD. 

The British do not get as far as SHOULD. They are stuck on what IS. What IS is what IS is what IS. That's just the way it IS. End of story. Forever and ever, Amen. 

Even the leftists in Britain don't have a true faith in what SHOULD be. They seek change, yet ultimately most of their energy is locked into an all-consuming rage against the suffocating, omnipresent, immovable, unconquerable, undeniable weight of what IS. After all, they live in Britain. 

I have left Britain. I have left the land of "That's the way it IS". I live in Sweden. Childish, obtuse, hopeful Sweden. The land of "That's how it SHOULD be". 

You can call me a fool, but I prefer it here.  

Hello How are You?...WAIT, WHAT, HUH?!

Some things are so deeply ingrained in English culture that it can take years to realise they clash with Swedish culture.

For instance: saying 'Hello, how are you?'. This is something that as an English person I don't even give a second thought to. It's as natural as breathing.

Not so here in Sweden.

The 'hello' bit is no problem. It's the 'how are you?' bit. In the U.K you aren't expected answer this question with the truth. Nobody wants to here how you're actually feeling, they're just saying hello! All that is required are three words: 'fine thanks, you?'

But in Sweden they really think you want to know how they're feeling!

So for years I've mistakenly been making my colleagues feel harassed by asking them how they are straight away the moment I see them. No sitting down first. No preliminary chit chat over coffee or the weather. Just TELL-ME-HOW-YOU'RE-FEELING-THIS-VERY- SECOND!!!

Understandably they always look a bit flabbergasted, as if I've walked in with a rubber chicken tied to my forehead. Multiple questions race through their mind: How do I feel right now? Do they really want to know how I am? Am I supposed to ask them how they are? AGGGGHHH!  

Because in Sweden they just say 'Hello'. That's it. Nothing more. And if they actually want to know how you are, then they ask you.

I've learnt lots of Swedish, but despite that knowledge I've been inappropriately greeting everybody for ages!

Ah well, you live and learn!

Swedes Being Reserved

After you live here a while, you start noticing that Swedes seem quite reserved. 

At first it's hard to put your finger on, but then you begin to recognise the signs. Like how their everyday speech is peppered with a "little" this and a "little" that. It's always a "little"— as if they distrust the use of intensifiers. As if they're demonstrating their restraint. They're sensibleness. Swedes rarely exaggerate. 

This makes Swedes seem boring to Brits and American people, who tend to exaggerate desperately in order to elicit some kind of response from Swedes and assert their own individuality. 

But strongly emphasising your individuality is a faux pas! It can be seen as showing you are better than someone else (a serious no-no in Sweden!). It can make you look flashy and imprudent. 

So as Americans and Brits happily machine-gun their audiences with gloriously inflated, half-baked theories displaying their dazzling flair and charisma, Swedes will visibly start backing away. As if they find such comments generally distasteful, but are willing to indulge you. 

After all, you're 'not from around here'.